Thursday, August 20, 2009

February 24th, 2003 - "what a long strange trip its been"

love me when i'm gone.. thats the song i am listening too... quite thought provoking, once again. i fucking love music. thats the sad thing, if i drop out, i will probably never be in the music business. lame on my part.

so eddie thinks when i come down this weekend that him, me, dannielle, and katie are gonna go for dinner and movie cuz we are cool or whatever. then i informed him that i didnt know if they were coming with me or not.. and he said he would take me anyway. i declined because i dont wanna embarass him. he knows. he insists that i wouldnt embarass him but if some cute girl saw him walking with me she might think that we are dating, therefore ruining his chancxes with said girl, and ruining his repuation making people think he dates fat chics.. when clearly that part of his life is over.. haha.

so i started my business and guess what happened? yup my quote comes into play here "i have never failed to fail".. ok well i had minor success but it didnt work out as good as it should have..theres the story of my life.

here i am again awake at 2:45 in the morning and not tired. i could smoke a bowl but i cant afford to pick outta that bag and i dont have munchies for afterwards.. and i am starving. i suck.

i got really drunk last nite.. had a colonopin and a half(or however u spell it).. hung out with msc.. i love them, i always have a good time with them <3

my mom wouldnt hig me goodbye today. neither would my sister or brother. my aunt hates me. is it bad when ur whole family hates you, and the one person who is mean to me over the phone (dad) is nicest in person? how can any of u expect me to be happy with myself when my own family even hates me... when i cant get a date no matter how wonderful i am.. personality doesnt get you laid anymore..

i went to sean's house today, which is weird cuz we havent hung out since 8th grade.. we smoked and it was fun. i hope my parents go away this weekend.. but who knows, nothing really ever works my way.

i wanna come home and thro erin a party but i know that if i do she either won't stay, or she won't like it. i am not the friend i used to be i dont think. plus i think jen is pissed that i asked her to bring me home friday instead of thursday so i should probably stay here in my miserable existence which is right here, in front of this computer, crying thru keys on a keyboard into a fucking bright monitor at all hours of the nigt when i have a nine o clock class tomorrow morniong. insomnia rules.

i miss the way things used to be. i think everyone does. everything used to be so.. right.. and now everything is fucked. oh my god i need to stop this. it feels great to rant but i feel like a fucking baby. fuck fuck fuck. ahh yes, i feel better.

i am not sure if i should really talk more openly then i have already cuz i think the things that run thru my mind are subject to me ending up with a good firm "talking to".. maybe i shouldnt give a fuck. if i was a bitch maybe my life would be easier? nah.. cuz then i would just be a fat bicth.. haha how stereotypical.. i cant stop coughing... i'm outta here man

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