September 28th, 2006 - "i'm not concerned"

time is winding down.
i am going to be out of a job in the next couple weeks.
funny thing is... there are virtually no jobs hiring for office managers or anything around here.
and if they are, the college kids will scoop them up before little ol' me.
or, they suck at paying good money.
so... we need to move off cape.
not like we really will...
at least not anytime soon...
but, there are no jobs for under-educated and over-experienced people like keegan and i.
so.. what do i do?
meh.

i got my first customer today though.
so that's cool.
some woman came in and she basically hired me to come to her house and put her shit on ebay.
the initial cost is $50 for me to come over.
then $12 every item i list, plus 20% commission on anything that sells.
or $40 an hour to HELP put stuff on ebay.
there is another woman that came in the other day that wants to hire me too.
she's gonna call me.
maybe.

i declare my ebay sidework to be my amsterdam fund.
that should help, at least a little.

which reminds me, i need to figure out my FUCKING stocks.
and quickly.

i am so broke after paying 5 bills with my last paycheck, that i can't even afford to eat.
which is better, i think.
but it also means that in the past 2 days i have had nothing but coffee, water, and 8 pieces of snack sized celery with some ranch dressing.
thank god for phentermine.
but here's the thing.
i don't really like the way it makes me feel.
but what is awesome is that after taking it for 3 days.. i didn't NEED to take it today, because i wasn't hungry.
but jen a was not quite happy to hear about my lack of nutrition... so that's when the celery sticks came into play.
then i HAD to take one, because i put something in my stomach, and i didn't want that to start a hunger thing...
plus, i have to have pork roast at my mom's house tonight, so i didn't wanna eat today before i did that, because then i won't be hungry for pork.
the only reason i agreed to dinner with her in the first place is because i am months overdue for a home-cooked meal.
it should do me some good.
but i'll just have a little.
need to shed some good pounds before amsterdam.
and save money, instead of buying $20-40 worth of fast food or take out everyday.
plus, if jeni thinks i am ever gonna get into one of her bridesmaids dresses without losing like... 80 pounds.. she's got another thing coming... ya hear that jeni?!

so i also have to buy 2 tickets to 2 different 30 seconds shows.
shut up, i NEED to go.
they have a lot of tickets for the boston show on ebay...
and most give you the "best offer" option.
so ultimately i could just email the sellers with a cheaper price then what they are offering.
worst case scenario, they say no, i pay full price.
i will check craigslist too.

keegan just called to simply say "i like us."
then i asked if he meant the WORD "us" or literally "us" as people...
he said "us" as people, haha.
he refused to elaborate further.
weirdo.
gotta love him.

his parents want to fly us to key west for christmas.
me, him, sara, and dan.
his parents refer to me and dan as their "kids" too.
i love them.
my parents could care less about keegan.
it's not that they don't like him..
they just couldn't care less...
about anything regarding me.
wah wah wah.
anyway - we can't go to key west.
we won't be able to afford the expenses once there, and we're not gonna be able to take anymore time off work.
well he won't.
i won't even have a work.

i'm so scared.

it's gonna be fucking surreal cleaning this place out.
and a fucking pain in the ass to boot.
i see sweat in my future, and i don't like it. not one bit.
we have gotten so much fucking business lately too, of course.
and i have sent them all down to the owl express.
she must be shitting herself.
oh well, not my problem.
although i bet she wishes it was.
muah.

i can't believe i am still a good 13 minutes from the last hour of my day.
my head hurts.
damn speed.
that's the worst, crashing off these things. gah.
it's worth it to me.
i need to be disciplined. seriously.
oh, and i have banned take out or fast food from being eaten in my house, and around me in general.
salads are welcome, but all other foods are to be eaten prior to hang out.
sorry guys.
but i'm like a drug addict.
i can't even be AROUND fattening food without having to eat it.
a lot of it.
as soon as i lose 20... i am gonna go back to the gym.
i just wanna feel comfortable in my gym clothes.
hah, how sad is that.

well clearly my head is a mess.
job problems.
weight problems.
money problems.
problems. problems. problems.
what ELSE is new? hah.

gross. i just took a sip of my coffee from 9am.
nasty. so very, very nasty.
i just wanted another coffee.
and for some reason.. i just went for it.
i think i need a cigarette.
i am going CARAZY.

HIGHLY unlikely that i will update tomorrow.
so have a good weekend all.