February 24th, 2005 - "for the last night i lie, could i lie next to you?"

“Gaze into her killing jar, I’m sometimes there for hours.
Come and poke a hole so I can breath.
She bought the last line.
I’m just the worst kind
Of guy
To argue
With what you might find
And for the last night I lie, could I lie with you?”

Man oh man I love that fucking song. My Chemical Romance... you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. <3

Well how is everyone? Its been a few days hmm.. I’m really wicked tired, you’d think my body would be used to this not getting more than 4 hours of sleep a night thing by now, geez. So a lot has happened since we last spoke. And you know I am gonna try my damndest to chronicle the happenings of the past few days.. but I always leave things out and then people comment and get pissed. But guys- I don’t intentionally forget you, im just overly tired.. and have little to no memory left at age 20. today is my dads 42nd bday by the way. Pork roast for dinner. Woo hoo. Atkins approved. Love it.
I think my last post was Sunday. And as you can all assume I went to franklin that night. We watched the incredibles, which was an awesome movie I must say.. which is weird cuz im never into those kinds of movies. Umm then of course Monday… back to franklin.. played the game scene it with jen, ryan, and keegan.. keegan won OF COURSE.. good times.. Tuesday night…. Oh guess what? Even tho keegan had to work till 12:30am.. .erin and I decided it would be a good idea to drive up, meet up at the trope.. and play the game taboo till 3:30am.. we don’t really know who won persay.. but I think it was erin if anyone. So then we were at yesterday.. I got my flat tire fixed and a lovely oil change… back to franklin.. keegan and I split the new trivial pursuit pop culture game and me him and ryan played.. he won.. I was totally second : )
Its fucking snowing again. I know its not gonna stick but its just fucked. Its almost march you asshole. And by asshole im referring to mother nature.
I went to tiki port with jeni, briana, and Amanda Stagg the other night. It was a good time. I spent a lot of money and ate as much meat as I could possibly fit into my body. It was stupid of me, but had to be done.
The other night I took a lotta bong hits by myself and started sketching out. It was funny, but sorta freaky at the same time. I was hearing noises that were def not there. Made me laugh.
So I have had a fucking shitload of customers today and yesterday. Hard to deal with lemme tell ya. And of course im writing this journal entry in Microsoft word before I post it so I have time to add things and work at the same time before posting.. and what do I do? Hit the power surge protector thing and lose the last page of what I had typed. So im a little fuckin pissed at this point. So im gonna hafta find the words I used before somewhere in the scroll bar that is my head and somehow get it back together here. Lunch break time- 6 minutes. All that means is sugar free red bull, cigs, and paying my car insurance.. fuck.
So things have been fairly tumultuous inside my head lately. Most of you are well educated on whats up so I don’t need to elaborate greatly. I do however just wanna take the time here and now and thank all my friends for all their fantastic advice. And when I say all my friends I basically mean jen, briana, kelc, erin o, and erin c. All very supportive. And if I left you out its not cuz I love you any less, its just that I talk to these people way more. But I do wanna apologize cuz you give me all this awesome advice and I don’t take it. but what ya gutta understand is that its not as easy as it sounds. I mean, its just as black and white as it sounds… but ask me right now what the one thing im most scared of is.. and I will tell you that its putting things in prospective. Ugh. I just wish I could live in a fairytale world where feelings don’t exist. Im just scared of changing things for the worst.. and you guys know.. if there are a few possible outcomes, and only one of those are positive.. the chances of me taking that kind of leap are slim to none. I guess we will just fuckin ride this wave… the question is how much longer.. and to where? Blah.
On a brighter note it’s a. time for my lunch break. B. Thursday, making it that much closer to Friday.. and Friday means dannielle and Katie come down.. and Saturday chevelle happens and my life is complete… haha in a sense. Alright well its been real, and its been fun, but it hasn’t been real fun.