September 14th, 2007 - "it needs to happen."

well, here i am. it's been some time now hasn't it livejournal? i decided that i should show myself, and not just copy a myspace blog and post it in here. that's so sad. especially since livejournal was my original blog spot. big ups to you livejournal - i still know what's up.

so... i am getting married in less than a year from now. crazy, huh? september 12, 2008. who woulda thought that the overweight, sexually frigid, perpetually stuck in the "friend zone" girl would fine her soulmate and marry by 24? not me, that's for SURE. and i know there are tons of people out there that think we are too young... and years ago, i would have agreed. you just never know the feeling until you have it i suppose. and there is no denying this feeling. i know many of you can identify. so trust me, i don't feel like i am doing myself, or keegan for that matter, an injustice by marrying next year. ya heard? so let me run down what the exact situation is for the wedding (now i am going to have to post this in myspace)...

my parents are not wealthy people. you might actually classify them as struggling at this point. so they gave me a choice - a huge cheap wedding with all my friends and a cookout or something... OR... have a elegant beautiful cape cod wedding with just family, the wedding party, and several other choice individuals. it may come as a surprise that i chose the latter since i am obsessed with my friends - but this is a wedding, not a party, and i had to come to terms with that. so, we put a deposit down at the captain linnell house in orleans for an evening wedding on a friday. the actual ceremony is going to be on skaket beach in orleans (right next to the linnell house), and all will be welcome (it will probably be a standing situation for most). however, the reception afterwards will be just fam and wedding party and whatever. BUT... the next day, my bridal party and my extended family have agreed to chip in and throw a huge casual wedding reception for all of the 100 plus people i had to cut off the list. it's gonna be a tent, dj, caterer situation that will start sometime in the late afternoon, and go into the night. it will be at the big house in west dennis, and will not require you to dress up. i figure this will be a much better arrangement for most of my friends anyway. my main concern was that none of you felt left out or unimportant. i want everyone there, obviously.

ok, so that's that.

secondly... i quit the ebay store. shocking, i know. turns out that my bosses were pulling the whole "i don't have the money to pay you today" thing, on the day i was supposed to be getting paid. it happened quite a few times. on labor day weekend it was a real issue. they expected me to go a 3 day weekend, while paying my bills, with $325. i need to deposit at least $400 a week to cover my bills alone. so i made numerous efforts to contact them so i could get the other $250 they owed me, but to no avail. finally, monday night, the day before i was supposed to go to work, my bosses send me this e-mail:



"Amanda--thanks for your email. Jim and I have had numerous discussions regarding the ebay store and your management of it.We are both alarmed with the reduction in sales since the creation of the ebay store which subsequently has impacted us all with a reduced cash flow.

Your need for weekly payment is not working out at this time. Our biggest monthly debt is your contract of $2,400. We have paid this without fail for many months and during this transition we feel we can no longer afford this expense. You seem to be very concerned over the $215. remaining from last week. This money needs to be paid to you before we will incur anymore debts to you.

We are very, very encouraged by the termination/closure of the drop off store on Friday, September 14. As of this moment in time, it is still unclear how this remote transition will occur, and when we are in a better position to explain it, we will. Jim feels that many successful formats have been ignored and he is concerned that this same frivolous approach will be transferred to the remote listing procedure. The Brazilian product of gems and minerals is very detail oriented and we are very concerned that these details will be treated carelessly as so many others have been. We all depend on these profit margins for our livelihood, and the remote process and procedure must be followed explicitly. When you are selling diamonds and gems, there is no margin for error.

We will have a meeting regarding all of our concerns in the next few days. I have been uncomfortable asking you to help me learn the do's and don'ts of listing because I feel as if I'm keeping you from completing your contract work. Like all of us are doing, you will need to make adjustments to your finances as well. Despite this transition, we see a very positive future for estate_ auctions_ online as we focus on the care and maintenance of our foreign clients. We sincerely hope you will remain a part of it, but if you choose to move on we understand. I hope this clarifies some of your concerns. Ardell and Jim"

first off, note all the spelling and punctuation errors. how sad is that for a 60 year old?! secondly, here was my response to that e-mail:


"Jim and Ardell,

You'll be pleased to know that I went and cleaned out all my personal belongings from work this evening, as to not cause a distruption in your work day tomorrow. I took nothing that did not belong to me. All files and documents are on the computer at my desk. Keegan and I will be in sometime tomorrow to collect my $215 owed to me, plus the $40 taken from my check for the bureaus (as I see no way of getting them at this point since there is no vehicle to deliver them anymore).

I'm very interested to hear that "Jim feels that many successful formats have been ignored and he is concerned that this same frivolous approach will be transferred to the remote listing procedure", since Jim has never once made any sort of mention of that to me. All I have ever heard from him was how "we" were going to thrive remotely and he would keep me on to do all this work and blah blah blah.... only to find out that he is worried about my "errors".

Good luck."

so, with that, i showed up the next day, collected my $255, and was done with it. fuck them, ya know? don't sit there and praise me day in and day out for what i do, then when i wanna get paid, turn around and tell me i suck at my job? good luck to them since i am the only one that even knew how to use a computer correctly there. haha.

so summer is pretty much over, huh? i got to say, i love fall weather, a lot. but, fall is just another excuse for me to hibernate and put on weight. unfortunately for me, i have already put on my winter weight in less than a month by going off atkins and going wild for bread. the real reason i went off atkins is because i lost my job and cannot afford to eat steak and the like everyday. truly. otherwise, i would stay on, cus it was working. something has to be done though because now i have less than a year to fit this fat ass in a wedding dress. good god! this summer has been pretty good for concerts though. dispatch, silverchair, state radio, linkin park/my chemical romance/taking back sunday/him/placebo... fucking great times. concerts are my livelihood. i'm seeing say anything again on november 1! luckily that concert is 2 weeks before my birthday and erin is getting me a ticket. jobless girls are not allowed to spend their money on concert tickets.

keegan and i started our own online ebay store. if you wanna search for it, it's called The Eclectic Xperience (Experience was taken). we have about 85 things listed. about 76 of them are ours, and the other things are designer purses and stuff from a personal consigner. stop by and buy some shit! haha. we have sold a couple pairs of pants, a humping chihuaha toy, an fm transmitter, a couple purses, a laser level, and a cross pen set. not bad for a start. every little bit of money helps at this point.

this just in: my mom admitted that she was psycho and needed help. she is "medication sensitive" so she is just gonna go to counseling. she says at this point she is afraid she is seriously gonna hurt someone. she also says that the lines of right and wrong are blurring... scary. she also says that she can't even work because she is afraid of losing her cool if a situation arose. the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. honestly, i am afraid she is gonna kill the therapist or something, hah.

oh! i just found out that i am far-sighted. the fucked up thing is, i have always had amazing vision. but when i hold something close to my face, it blurs and i can't see it at all. so scary! i can read fine, and my eyes don't bother me when i drive or anything like that. i think i should get a professional opinion soon. it's so fucking weird to all of a sudden have a part of your body that doesn't work the same way it always has, ya know?

well i think i'm done now. this should be enough to keep you all satisfied for another few months, right?