October 6th, 2006

well it's officially fucking freezing.
my mom mentioned something about it getting down to almost 30 degrees today.
weather.com says it will only get down to 48 tonight though.
but it IS cold.
i can't feel my nose or my feet... and i am starting to lose feeling in my fingertips.
how do you expect me to work under these conditions?
hah... brenda actually told me i could close if it was that cold...
nice. i think i will close a little early today. NICE.

tonight is jen's kegger.
come one, come all.
it's been a long time since we've had a party.
i say "we" since jen put me in charge of invites... therefore i invited pretty much everyone i would invite to a party if it was mine.
hopefully it won't be unbearably freezing.
and even so... the booze shall warm us.

keegan had a dream that i was wearing a full body light blue leather suit with a zipper up the front last night.
he woke up to tell me that with a big shit-eating grin on his face.
fucking creepy.
he's lucky he's cute sometimes. muah.

all i really want in life is to have a hot coffee or tea.. and a cigarette.
my problem now is that i will be so fucking cold if i smoke a cig..
and i would have to physically leave to go get a hot something-or-other.

i had dinner with my mom at the all american pub last night.
it was just me and her.
that makes for an awkward situation.
which is sad.
to call dinner with your mom "awkward."
anyway..
the majority of our conversation was about how we can't believe i'm her daughter...
"you know, if i didn't give birth to you i would swear to god you weren't my kid..."
ha. ha. ha.
not like i even wanted to be the child of a psycho 40 something cheerleader that is best friends with her 16 year old daughter.
it's unhealthy in my opinion.
and i told her that.
"i personally don't believe teenagers should spend as much time with their parents as lauren and joey spend with you and dad. they should be out making friends and dating and stuff."
she disagrees.
"a this age kids need their parents now more than they ever have before."
oh, please.
she is literally gonna turn down a job that could make her $75,000 a year because she wants to spend every moment of her free time with her best friend lauren.
GROSS. SERIOUSLY.
"i really love to be involved with what lauren is doing, i wish i coulda started doing it 10 years ago - but you were never into that sort of thing"
well, come to find out, here's why:
i tried every sport known to mankind. i played on MAD teams.
i was never really good at anything.
except!
being a girl scout.
why?
because all you had to do was fucking hang out.
it's so true.
hang out with your friends...
make crafts.
sell cookies.
camp out.
sing songs.
it was the shit.
if it wasn't for girl scouts, i wouldn't be who i am today.
anyway, back to my revelation..
i don't like feeling inadequate.
nor do i like making others feel inadequate.
that's all sports are... because no matter what...
SOMEONE's got to lose.
fuck that.
i was in girl scouts and chorus.
the 2 things that made me happy.
cus no matter what, you were all equals.
you could decide to go above and beyond your call of duty to get extra badges...
or you could go out for the solo...
but it was never a competition.
there was never a way that you could truly feel bad for yourself, or about yourself.
unless you were really a loser.
Hah.

anyhoo...

my mom is here.
she came to pick up a bunch of weights we had left over from an unsold auction.
she is going to start working as a manager or something at dunkin donuts.
apparently they are gonna pay a lot and work around her schedule.
she just really wants to be able to spend time with her "family"
what the fuck is that shit.
the woman missed several of my birthdays as a child but she needs to be around for her other kids every damn day.
it's SO ridiculous.

she also tells me that she might be able to afford a wedding now that she has a job.
in conversation a minute ago she was like "well you're getting married next year and...."
and i was like "hah, i don't know WHEN i'm getting married, at this point it looks like i'm gonna have to wait a longtime to be able to afford it, or alope, but i can't get married on the budget you gave me, i can't cut my list down, and it's big."
so now she says she would cut the family down to nothing, but she is not paying for a wedding for all my friends to come.
agreed.
what to do, what to do.
it's so stressful.

i really need to do something but i am too cold to move.
decidely, i AM going to smoke a cig.
i mean come on, my mom was just here, it's totally in order.

alright i'm gonna go.
this mindless babble has got to stop.
and in no way was this a "feel bad for me my mom is crazy" post...
it's just what was on my mind.
all your moms are pretty crazy i'll bet.
haha.
love you. bye.