July 18th, 2006 - "insight."

sometimes when i try to explain to people the way i feel about something, i get frustrated when it doesn't seem like they are getting it.
so i tend to get deeper and deeper into it.
which tends to exceedingly frustrate the person i am trying to explain things to.
which therefore makes them think i am attacking or insulting them.
when really, i am laying out the way i feel.
which is a really, really big deal.
since, as most of you know, i have a hard time with that kind of stuff.
like, a real hard time.
so then when we don't see eye to eye, still, after all is said and done....
i am more than likely thought of as freaking out or overreacting.
when really all it comes down to is that through my tireless efforts of explanation, they still don't get it.
so is it my fault for getting so worked up over something that i should have given up on long ago?
or is that person's fault for just not getting it?
well, clearly i want to be understood.
and clearly, it's not that person's fault for not being able to put themselves in my situation.
so it just kinda sits there.
stagnant and accumulating anger. or hurt. or just sheer frustration.
and that's how people get hurt.
and that's how friendships end.
or, get put on hold.
and i think it sucks.
but if you don't have all the answers, and said person does not have all the answers, what is there left to do except for continue to not see eye to eye?
and then what...
you pretend that everything is okay with that awkward "we just had a pretty good falling out" feeling?
or you stop your friendship cus you figure, if they don't understand you, why bother?
i don't really run into this problem too often.
i have maintained the same friendships with the same people for years and years.
i don't know what to do.
and i'm sure writing in LJ isn't gonna make things better...
or maybe it will?
i guess i'm trying new venues of communication.
although, i am pretty sure the internet is the worst place.
er, i hope not.
my anxiety level is high and it has been a long time since it has been this high.
i feel sick.
fuck this.
i think.