March 4th, 2003 - "dude what the fuck man"

Whoa its been a long day... let's see.. missed my nine o clock AGAIN.. i honestly think this would make it.. ohh.. my 9th missed class when i am only allowed 3! and if i get academically withdrawn then i am fucked cuz i already only have just enough classes to be considered a full time student.. shitty.. maybe if i wasnt a scumbag and a lazy ass motherfucker i could get to bed early enough to get up in the morning... but no.. this is the unfortunate life i live

on the brighter point.. i got a new bubbler yesterday at shop therapy <3.. i love paraphenalia (or however u spell it) its already pretty dirty.. go figure

tat is already in bed and its only 12:30.. i dont hafta get up till at least 1 tomorrow.. its gonna be sweet... lets just hope i actually get up at 1. i did a paper on creationism versus evolution for college writing. it took no time cuz it was a science paper that i just revised to use for college writing.. yah i am good like that.. wut wut i think its a very interesting subject, the first interesting thing i have learned in college.. and go figure it was in a class i got a D- in last semester.. LAME

i swallowed the ball to my favorite tongue ring. yes this is the second occurence.. i suck at this, i have a damn oral fetish and i fuck with it too much and i unscrew it and dont even notice when i swallow it.. guess i had to say goodybye to buttercup.. now i have jen's hello kitty in my mouth.. *purr*

i went home this weekend and it was okay. i had a good time cuz i was able to spend a lotta time with erin. it meant a lot to me cuz it was her birthday and i love her more than words <3.. it was a good time.. and intimate time at renee's.. all good, renee is the fucking host of the century, even when she is queit..lol.. i was wicked fucked up... a vic, a muscle relaxer, about a 1/4 bottle of parrot bay, and i dont think we stopped smoking at all that night.. WHOOP.. and for erin's b-day, me, jen, and max took a little ride to shop therapy and got my bubbler and erin's new BOOB bong.. if u guys havent heard about it yet, you need to experience that shit.. its ill nasty.

i talked to my mom and my dad and my godmother and my grandmother and my cousin about dropping out this weekend.. WHOA, not a good idea.. mom and dad told me they would take away my car... i guess i am stuck here at least for another semester after this one.. yikes.. unless i get kicked out.. then i am fucked! i wish i wasnt a stupid fat lazy motherfucker or else i might make something out of my life like all these people expect me too

i have a really cool test everyone should take in my profile on AIM... i would like to apologize for all the quizzes i posted, but i think they are cute and they allow people to do shit when they are bored.. hey, why not?

i missed a killer keg party at mikey's this weekend.. and lemme tell you that that will never happen again.. unless a special occasion like a tat's birthday or something... sometimes i wished all my friends were friends so everything would be cooler

i saw that chic franky that goes to tech tit's tonite... disgusting... the things jen can find on livejournal... EEK

its now 12:38 and i havent smoked pot since like 7:30m tonite.. its getting bad.. the worst part is, the other day i was sitting with my parents and they were smoking, and we were talking about dropping out and shit, and it was getting stressful because all these other thoughts kinda flooded my head and i got enraged and completely emotionally upset about the fact that they didnt offer me any.. i was like freaking out and i went down to my room and i was listening to a cd i made and literally sat there and cried hysterically for like 45 minutes.. gay i know.. but had a total emotion breakdown, about everything, it was so weird, but i feel a little better now..erin asked me sat night if i wanted to talk, but it was her birthday and we were fucked up and i didnt wanna start busting out crying, or talk about anything to crazy on a night where neither of us coulda comprehended.. its just so weird.. when people ask me whats wrong i cant give them an answer cuz its literally everything.. i mean i used to remember where there was at least SOMETHING good in my life, but now there really isnt.. i am primo at hiding it tho.. cuz i want so bad to be as happy as everyone else but it just doesnt happen... uh oh here it comes again.. sad sally... sorry guys i think i am gonna cry myself a river, build a bridge and jump the fuck off it.. actually i am too lazy for the bridge building samantics, so i am just gonna jump in the river i made and drown myself...

ewww did i just say that? it takes fucking like 30 minutes to drown.. fuck all that nooise.. BOOYA

i need to stop now cuz i think i am getting carpal tunnel syndrome.. peaces