dudes.... long time no post, eh? my life has been tumultuous these past few weeks thats for damn sure. got kicked out of the house... that sucked. moved back home, that sucked even more. started school again, that sucks the most. however, now my grandmother is gone for the month of february so you best believe me and briana are back in action, living it up big house style.
last night we had a welcome home party consisting of:
Russell
Erin
The Fleisch
Briana
Matty Motherfucking Adams
Tim Fucking Howard
Casey
Crystal
Claire
Jackie
Bobby
Dubbs
Elysia
and I do believe that is it.
so briana and elysia and i took 30 mg's of adderol last night so we would stay up. i never really have drank when on adderol. it fucking fucks you up, lemme tell you. i drank, smoked a lot, and took that shit and i was like so fucked up but my mind was thinking so clearly, and i was up till a record 6 motherfucking am. ain't that some shit? it was pretty chill cuz there wasn't any drama.
joe wasn't there and that made me really sad cuz he went away like a big jerk and didnt tell me till he was already in connecticut... who does that to their "best friend". oh well i love him unconditionally and he knows it, but i am still fucking upset. grr. you have some serious making it up to me to do mr tinkham.
anyways.... i am told to include the fact that there was an intense staring contest between the fleisch and russell in which russell was balling from keeping his eyes open for so long. i was downstairs smoking a butt, so i missed it. oops.
so lately i have been hanging out with joe a lot at my house watching movies. or in hotel rooms getting drunk with joe, erin, and briana and then going to work or school in the morning. its been a rough time financially, but a pretty good time with my best friends.
i started school and i am taking pyschology, audio production, and basic arithmetic.. ha. it sucks. school monday, wednesday and friday from 10-3 and then work tuesdays and thursdays from 9-5. damn yo.
ok so here is a subject i must address before i can conclude my entry. friends. my dear old compadres. where have you all gone?
i miss everyone. i cant say who i miss the most but i miss everyone an awful lot. first off i definetely miss my fpc people... renee, katie c, dannielle, katie f, kelley, timmy, kendall, megan, justin, eli, kelc... college always fucks things up, it makes me sad. those friendships will never be the same due to the distance i have created between us all, and that sucks so very very bad cuz we had some ill friendships.
i also miss tweth and keri too. i dont know what happened with you guys, i really dont. all i know is that i had my opinions on the subject, and everyone else had theirs and then... everything just got weird, the tension in the room when we hung out was so intense and overwhelming.. i gues it was just the sound of deteriorating friendships? i didnt think friendships got ruined over guys anymore, i thought that shit didnt follow you after high school. i dont know where we went wrong. we never had any problems. opinions shouldnt ruin friendships. i dont hate either of you guys, you guys were always my friends, i am just really confused and hurt and angry i guess.. oh well.
pat and chris. we had some fucking good times. they practically lived with me for a month. they were so fucking funny and i spent every single waking moment when i was with them, ridiculously drunk. i am glad chris is gone cuz all he was was drama. i miss the good times, that motherfucker was funny as hell, but drugs are just more important sometimes.. that and bitches. and pat, i will always have love for my little man but there can't be a good friendship with all this shady business. i hope your doing ok, whatever your doing.
bam... what can i say about bam. let me first address him as brandon because brandon was one of my very best friends. bam.. well i dont know who that is. but once upon a time we were such good friends that we almost dated.. could you imagine that? now.. he is just sucked in to something i can never understand...
jeni. i guess you could say i kinda miss her the most. we were best friends since 11th grade. she was always there for me and we never even had one fight. one falling out, missing my birthday... and it was over, just like that. she was living at home with joe.. got caught up in the coke scene... needless to say i lost her to the forbidden drug. i fucking hate that drug. i really miss the person she was.. she was great. but now that i know that she used joe to get back at bam, and bam used casey to get back at jeni.. it makes me sick that they would use people as amazing as joe and casey like that. me and casey have been good friends since we were little and we always will be, i love her and i feel so fucking bad for what she has to go thru. and joe, i dont love any guy more than i love joe... and when he hurts i hurt. and he is so hurt and it crushes me. i wish i could save him from people like her.
for my best friends: jen, briana, erin, joe, zoe... i love you guys so fucking much its ridiculous. i hope you all know that no matter what i will be here for you until death because i have never had friends like all of you... you never know what its like to love without being loved in return. i just wanna say thanks for keeping me sane. i guess thats it. this entry is getting intense. holla. <3>
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